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Monday, March 30, 2009

The Wait

So it is Monday - and we still dont have the trach in, but we are scheduled for Wednesday. The attending doctor that came on last week wanted to be sure that all her vitals were in check, which I understand, and waiting for that meant the next surgery day was this Wednesday. Surgery does not happen every day - a few days a week unless it is an emergency procedure. He also wanted to make sure we understood what a trach was and that we were on the same page. While I do and we are I really did not need to go down the same path I just agonized over the entire last week. I was a complete disaster again last Wednesday and felt like I was hungover once again. I am more reassured every day that we made the right choice though because Megans vitals are PERFECT - meaning her brain is controlling these things. Breathing not yet, but she has overall general weakness that we have to overcome. Slow and steady wins the race! There have also been a couple of people who have told me some things that have really meant a lot to me in terms of putting this into more perspective too. The pastor here told me that in reading the blog he thought of the shephard who had 100 sheep and one got lost so he left the flock to find the one - leaving the other 99 behind for this one lost sheep. That is Megan - my lost sheep. It makes sense. Also, Maria, a friend who is in Orlando had one of her associates stop by to visit us and simply put she said that time is a luxury for us and why not take that luxury. Those were not her exact words, but they make sense also. We can never have enough time with out kids and sadly we dont always realize it until you think time might be out and then it truly is a luxury, not a given. And Megan is entitled to more time - after all - who has fought harder than her to be here? She has done all the work - I have just been the coach. This is one luxury I will not deny our family. We all love her so much and each and every one of us is willing to sacrifice ourselves for her. Isnt that what family is all about? Unconditional, selfless love. As a mother I have always known I have this in me but to KNOW that James and Ryan have it also is something to be proud of. They are great little men already and like I have said before - will be the best husbands and fathers because of this. They also have an awesome role model - Pat is a great daddy and husband.

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