It is March 3 now and Megan is still in the ICU and is STILL on the vent. We are now 12 days on this thing and it is really driving me crazy. Have had lots of time to think - ponder - whatever you want to call it. I have accepted that I can not make anything happen faster or the way I think or want it. Megan can come off when she is ready and that is it. Pat called Pastor Jerry and he and his wife Susan came up to the hospital to talk with us and to see Megan. It really gave Pat and I some much needed perspective. I realized that I had become petrified that god wanted to take Megan and had been begging when I prayed that he would leave her here with me to care for her and often wondered why He made her like this and if it was because a lesson was to be taught or punishment for something in our past??? It was often on my mind and was really upsetting to me. Hearing that God does not want to rip her from me and that this was not His plan for her was definitely an awakening for me. I was like ' that's right, God is good - he does not punish us and does not want us to be sick - any of us. It really put it back into perspective for me and made me feel good about those things. Strange how things can get out of perspective even though you know the right way to think.
All Childrens nurses are really great and I feel really comforatble here - even though my bed is a chair. A very hard ugly chair, but better than nothing. The doctor was just in and the pain medication is going to be weaned starting today and she will get methadone to help with it. The goal is to get her off sedation and strong enough to be extubated. Not tomorrow, maybe the next day.... as long as everything stays good.