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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bad Days

I am having a hard time the past couple of days with how things are for Megan. There were a bunch of videos that had become damaged in my laptop and I could not recover. I had searched for ways to recover them and could not. I spent hours on the phone with Flip support - you name it. They were gone. Somehow they amazingly reappeared and I sat and viewed them. It was so painful to watch video of Megan up to Jan 09 and then look at her now - how could this have happened? When did she deteriorate to this point. It happened in front of my eyes and somehow it slipped right past me, or I have been too consumed to fully see it. I dont know but it hurts. I want her to hug me and cuddle me and she cant even do that anymore - not with this monstrosity coming out of her throat with all the tubes. I am not big on the boo-hoo card but sometimes reality smacks you right between the eyes and it is a jolt to the system. I guess that is what I feel. I am also so worn out from all the people looking for information from me - I barely have time to shower each day. How do I explain that to people without them thinking I am being over-dramatic or looking for sympathy? I want to stop answering the phone.

2 comments:

bettybmg said...

Terri Even Jesus took some time to be alone to pray ans recharge His batteries. You are unbeleveably strong but you cannot take care of everyone. Take care of YOU (Iknow that it is easier said than done) but for your sake and Pat's and your children you need to. Iam praying with all my heart for a Miracle but it is still His to do,not ours. God choose you to be Megan's mother because without you she would not be here. Know that you are in my heart and prayers. Love Betty

Colleen said...

I love what Betty said!

I have those feelings so much too...when I look back and think of how things were and are now. It is hard! ((hugs))